hotwomenhotflashes.com

To: Lorraine
From: Mary
Subj: PC Parking Spaces

Lorraine,

Once again, I think I’ve seen it all and then I realize I haven’t (I’m so tired of being humbled).

There’s a new mall in Boulder and I went to go check it out. It was pretty crowded but I quickly found a parking space. HOWEVER, as I was pulling in, the parking sign said, “For Alternative Fuel Cars ONLY”.

Huh? Am I out of the loop but since when did “alternative fuel” become available on a mass level only? Are they referring to hybrid cars only, and isn’t this discrimination?

Well, fine. I’ll be a good sport and back out of the space, figuring my GMC Suburban doesn’t qualify.

Aahhhaa, another space. Good…WAIT, this sign says, “Reserved for Families”. What does this mean and what and who qualifies to be a family? I see a massive protest coming on.

I mean, I know this is Boulder and I’m used to seeing local signs at restaurants that say things like “wind-powered kitchen” and “fat reused as compost at pig farms”…but politically correct parking spaces?

It’s just all too much…I’m tired, fuhget about the shopping. I’m going home…why has this brought back memories of being the last kid standing when kids had to pick teams?

Depressing, Mary

Mary,

I don’t know if I can handle the fact that now we have Politically Correct/Sensitivity inspired reserved parking spaces. Even hearing that these special spots exist is making my blood pressure rise. Who are the savants that hold all the power of decision over us minions who need to park our cars??

RESERVED PARKING/NEW PARENTS signs and FAMILIES ONLY are just BEGGING for a lawsuit even before cars who do or do not qualify start jockeying for position to pull into that sacred space.

I hate to hearken back but I remember schlepping my two kids from one end of the giant parking lot to the other and NO ONE CARED that I had one by the hand, another on my hip, purse over my shoulder, pouring rain, tripping over shopping bags…………

Now all of a sudden we have to be so sensitive to NEW MOMMIES or FAMILIES ONLY……..what is that? Did the powers that be actually define FAMILY? My dog is my FAMILY…can I pull forward yet? This is totally ridiculous.

RESERVED PARKING/ALTERNATIVE FUEL VEHICLES ONLY……..are they talking about farm machinery?? I don’t know any autos that run on “alternative fuel” yet and I don’t think Diesel counts!! What is alternative fuel anyway?? Is that electricity, and do they have sockets at the end of those parking spaces so we can plug the auto/golf cart sized cars in to ensure we can motor away from the reserved parking space?

Here is the best case scenario and one that assures qualification for both of these sacred parking spaces:

A tractor pulls in with lady at the wheel and cat seated next to her…..YEP…THEY QUALIFY!!

Let’s have a reality check…here are some RESERVED signs I would like to see the next time I pull into my nearest parking lot:

RESERVED FOR WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

This sensitive posting will assure some lucky lady the space nearest the entrance to the shopping mall. Since most of us women would swear we would qualify for this piece of terra ferma we may have to rally for at least 10-20 spots in the parking lot with this posted sign.. Even so, as the saying goes………”sometimes there just aren’t enough parking spots Forrest”.

We could really mess with these kindness- gone- awry reserved parking dictators and not only give them a really good sign, but a good laugh for the drivers stalking the parking space, like:

RESERVED FOR/BALD MEN EVERY TUESDAY, EXCEPT EVERY OTHER FRIDAY, TO BE SHARED WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEIR OWN BOWLING BALL. IF YOU ARE WAITING FOR THE SPACE AND ARE CLEARLY OVERWEIGHT DETERMINED BY YOUR BMI SCORE YOU MUST PARK ELSEWHERE AND WALK. VIOLATORS WILL HAVE THEIR CARS TOWED AT THEIR OWN EXPENSE AND THERE WILL BE NO EXCUSES INCLUSIVE OF “THE SIGN CONFUSED ME”.

Alternative fuel reserved spot says to me……OK, the poor guy who has a broken leg and is on crutches is just SOL. Sorry Charlie…The gal with the two good legs and the 50 thousand dollar alternative fuel vehicle JUST took your space. Sorry you had to haul that wheel chair across the parking lot pal, but a new and totally stressed mommy has ventured out into the world with her newest baby for a day of shopping at the mall and WHO can expect her to haul all of those packages and juggle little junior at the same time??? It’s just too much to ask of any little woman driving her newly purchased Pria.

What knuckle-head not only thought it was a good idea but voted to have the signs posted?…that’s our tax dollars hard at work. I think it is time for the common woman, in the Ford focus, who can walk her butt across the parking lot the size of Disneyland without so much of a whimper or leg cramp to file a class action suit of total and complete discrimination. We must all yell as we drive by the sacred and reserved higher and holier than thou parking spots, determined to comparison shop while in the mall, “We are mad as hell, and we are not going to take it anymore”. Then we should all buy bumper stickers that read “Don’t like my car or my kiddies? Dial 1-800- TOO DAMNED BAD”. By the way, has anyone seen my rascal???

Herein lies the Ying and Yang………walking to the mall or grocery store will be considered healthy exercise and maybe a substitute for a short workout at the gym. Walking back loaded down with food and shopping bags will be the next step towards entering the reserved space that reads “Reserved for persons ready to go ballistic and afraid they may hurt somebody”.

Zoom…Zoom…Zoom,

Lorraine