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Mary, Ovaltine Moms we were NOT…………and let me tell you why.

There is a current radio commercial featuring two moms attending to a gaggle full of children heard in the background. They are discussing what to serve the kiddies as a beverage and their conversation amongst each other goes something like this:

1st radio mom: “Let’s give them some rich, chocolately Ovaltine”
2nd radio mom: “Rich, chocolately ovaltine? Is that good for them?”

1st radio mom: “Rich chocolately Ovaltine has lots of vitamins and minerals”
2nd radio mom: “COME AND GET IT KIDS, we have rich, chocolaty Ovaltine”

1st obnoxious kid “Rich, chocolaty, hot Ovaltine….YEAH”………..
And you hear all the kids chime in and start running for the rich, chocolaty, hot Ovaltine.

You and I were in this same situation many moons ago when we acted (and I mean acted, literally) as “den” mom’s for the boys boy-scout troop. I am sure I remember the cute little tykes pounding on the LOCKED sliding glass doors, peering in from the backyard where they had been sent for hours supposedly learning to tie knots and now begging for something to drink (didn’t we see one of them practicing a NOOSE on another boy-scout, but we let it go because we agreed the branch looked too weak?).

Anyway I don’t recall talk of milk, chocolate or otherwise, soda or even sips of water. I DO remember glancing at the sliders and you and I immediately screaming for Chardonnay, anti-depressants and a trip to the Caribbean sans anyone in the immediate family.

After being assured of possible dehydration by the looks of the small bodies scattered on the ground we finally gave in and threw them some juice boxes – to share – and they were no worse for the wear. They reconstituted quickly and continued with their LONG afternoon of tying each other up.

Each boy passed knot-tying with flying colors…….and we got through the afternoon with legal substance abuse. We did not sound like the mom’s of the current commercial who are actually interested in the nutritional value of the beverage served, still sound enthusiastic and stay put when the herd of kiddies comes a runnin’………..we were not Ovaltine Moms……..we were OVERWORKED Moms……….and lovin’ it.

Lorraine

Don’t even get me started on the now politically incorrect Christmas sweater. These sweaters make Martha Stewart look like a Hooter’s waitress.

I have never understood why grown sane intelligent women regress to some kind of Betty Crocker fashion nightmare when it comes to the sudden obsession and addiction to the dreaded Christmas sweater. My sister Meg, and I am not making this up, not only starts in with the Christmas sweater in early September when even the swimming pools in Colorado are still in use, but simultaneously dons the infamous CHRISTMAS KNEE SOCKS! And they have bells on them, so when she walks down the halls at work, she jingles.

She’s so silly.

(Finger down throat, big gagging sound)

Every year during the holiday season, I am embarrassed to be a member of the female race when I am visually assaulted on a daily basis with this desexualizing garment that reduces women to making insane fashion decisions, accompanied by a glazed and glassy look on her face. Bring on the Chardonnay!

The Christmas sweater never worked for Bridget Jones and the same is true for us.

I’m suddenly converting to Judiasm.

Mary